Laowai

Bea and I just spent a lovely few days with Grandma J. On Wednesday we drove up to the Chicago Botanic Garden. We ended up having a harrowing ride until we could extricate a spider from the car. As I was pulling out of the drive-through ATM a fat, black, furry, spider with fangs crawled out from the space where the window and the dash board meet. And yes, they were little but I’m sure I could see fangs. Holy crap – have you ever tried to drive a car while a spider is lurching towards you. Fortunately we were on a quiet road so I pulled over and jumped out of the car with lightning speed. I imediately took off my sandle and held it like a weapon over the dash board. I can’t kill a bug with a tissue and my hands like Brian can. Whenever there is an ant or a spider that needs killing I have to run to find a shoe – because I can’t stomach the crush-squish of a bug between my fingers. So of course the spider (coward) crawled back into the dashboard where we couldn’t see him. In a panicky mode and between hoots of laughter we decided to keep driving. Mom kept her eye on the dash and held on to my sandle and I wearily made my way down the road. I was ready to open the door and leap out of the car at a moments notice. I pictured myself leaping onto the road into traffic and mom and Bea continuing in the runaway car with the spider coming towards them. The thought of the spider sitting down beside my Little Miss Muffet in the back seat helped me keep my wits about me long enough to pull into a parking lot when mom gently broke the news that he was coming out of his hiding spot again. Aaaak. I parked the car and jumped out onto the pavement with one shoe on and one shoe off. Mom came over to my side of the car and found a straw to flush him out. I had my sandle held high and at the ready again and when he came out and scurried across the dash I swooped down and smacked him – bam – I got him and he splattered into gunk all over the dash board. Mom had thought that I was going to shoo him out of the car and was afraid I would accidentally shoo him onto her leg, but no – I had perfect aim with my sandle and I brought it down with speed and precision that could only be attributed to the adrenalin coursing through my body.

Of course through the whole ordeal I was laughing so hard tears were running down my face. We laughed all the way to the botanic garden where we had a beautiful spider-free walk.