Laowai

Sometimes I look at a photo of Brian and me and wonder what Bea will think when she’s 20 and she looks at the same photo. Now that I am a parent I look at old photos of my mom and dad differently. I wonder what they were going through way back then when their lives changed so much like mine now has.

Brian and I have always liked to do a lot of talking. We like to read articles to each other and discuss. We like to rant on about commercials we see and talk about companies and businesses. We like to talk about our interests (Brian = opera, Me = design). We like to people-watch and make up stories for people we see. Brian listens to me rant about my frustrations and I try to listen to his frustrations too. I remember in high school we rode a bus up north to see a hockey game and we talked the whole way – about whatever teenagers talk about. It felt like the 3 hour bus ride lasted about 15 minutes. I was so interested in what Brian had to say and he listened so intently to me. I suppose all people falling in love have this deep conversation phase where they figure out what the other one believes in.

Well now that our little Bea is here we still try to fit all that conversation into our days, but since we simply don’t have as much time to talk we end up with this intense talk-mode where we both have a lot to say and we sometimes forget to listen or we lose patience with each other. I know I haven’t been a very good listener. It’s hard to pay attention and try to sooth a baby at the same time. It’s hard to stay engaged when there is all this background static running through my head – things that are always on my mind like keeping track of Bea’s eating schedule or wondering if she is OK sleeping in the other room with a blanket in her crib or trying to concentrate on reading her cues so I know if she’s headed for play time or nap time. Yesterday a harmless conversation about Swiffer turned into a heated argument, but I knew it wasn’t really about Swiffer, we just needed to step back and lighten up to get back on track. The good thing is that we recognize that we are going through this big change and it’s only natural that we are adjusting and experiencing some bumps along our ride. And I know we are both trying hard to be good listeners and give each other what we need.

Now I understand why marriages suffer and why two people can grow apart when babies come along. I’m sure this is all very familiar to all the parents I know, but I guess you can’t really understand these things until you experience them. Fortunately I’m also learning that you can’t understand the joy that comes along with this time of life until you go through it. So with the bad comes the good and that’s how we get through it. And by the way, I know that I’m just about the luckiest woman around because I’m confident that all this ch-ch-ch-change will not break us apart.

So now I’ve got to get back to my Pumpkin – she’s laying next to me on the floor trying really hard to put her pacifier back in her mouth. I can tell by the tone of her voice that she is about to get really frustrated at the task. Time to play a new game.