Laowai

Beatrice the Beast has arrived. Our quiet, practically sleeps through the night little angel has realized that it can be fun to torture Mommy and Daddy as well. I can see how this would be fun and am not so old as to have forgotten how much I too enjoyed this art but it is bad form to do it so intensely on the night before Daddy has a boring client meeting where he can’t be seen to fall asleep. I’m actually looking forward to traveling my first time since she came. I always sleep well but often work well into the night when I travel. This time, I know that the night will be short but damn it, nothing will interrupt it. No diaper changes, no baby poop, no crying or sudden questions in the night if she is breathing and when was the last time I heard her breath and is she with Kathy or in the bassinette or is her diaper ready to be changed or am I a horrible father about to do my baby irreparable harm??? Well, the flight was just delayed a couple of hours and our meeting is an 8 am meeting so you know, it’s not going to be all that wonderful… But it is California and they just announced that it is currently 72 degrees and I’ve got my running shoes and nothing can stop me from finally getting outside tomorrow morning.

This time and preparing meals for Kathy has allowed me to remember how much I enjoy cooking. I used to enjoy making meals and even in recent times occasionally would find the time on a Sunday to make something but the past week has been a good refresher on how much I love food and that when I spend the time, I can do pretty well for myself. Things will soon return to their hectic pace but it’s good to have a reminder that herb encrusted leg of lamb or poached salmon with tarragon cream sauce are not only available on a menu at 25 bucks a pop. That’s not to snub such white trash classics as the old friend tortilla tort or taco salad. I may have gone a little too far in loving myself with food (under the guise of taking care of Kathy and Bea…) by making a couple of pound batch of baked beans that I know Kathy will never eat. Ah, but they were pretty damn good…

So life is extremely different but maybe not so much. I still get out and play soccer. I still am finding time to go out on the roads with my bike and while I’ll never have enough time for my opera obsession even in the best of times, time for this is only metered but not gone forever. Kathy’s the one whose world has changed much more, at least for now. She must plan for hours to even take the BEAst out for a walk. While I project my feelings onto her and assume she must be mourning her loss, I don’t think she really is. In fact, there are times between the exhaustion when I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her happier. Maybe I’m a natural consultant (to be determined, I guess) but she seems to have this mother thing down pat. Even when she tortures us mercilessly, maybe Baby Bea isn’t so bad.

Someone was surprised to hear that Brian changed diapers. Let me just state that so far he has probably changed just as many diapers as I have.

We have the photos to prove that he is a good diaper changer as well as sleepy-time inducer.

The only problem is sometimes he falls asleep too.

This photo is for grandma Joan. Thanks for the great onsie grandma!

Today Bea tried out her crib for the first time while I did a bit of cleaning up in her room. Pot Belly Bear watched over her and kept her safe.

One more photo that I’ve been meaning to post. To keep myself busy in the days before Bea was born I made two little jumpers. I thought I would have a good story involving these jumpers. I had just finished sewing on the last button when I thought my water broke. I thought she was waiting for me to finish her little outfits before she joined us. Turns out she wasn’t ready to come out yet. Later that day we made our second failed trip to the hospital. I guess she was holding out for some more outfits. Even though the pattern said the smallest dress was for 7 to 13 lb. babies it is much to big for her still. Stay tuned for a photo of baby in the jumpers.

The day she came was a strange day. For most of the time, we both were just hoping it was for real. For Kathy, it was the intense shame of walking out of the hospital empty handed, as though every security guard in the complex was shaking their head at the crazy lady who had been there twice before and those damn volunteers tsk-ing away at the young kids who hadn’t a clue about what labor was. That and the anxiety of the unknown – Kathy was all keyed up to do it and then had to go home and watch her once-per-three minutes contractions ebb back to nothing. For me, different thoughts, more centered around the schedule I was pretending I wasn’t keeping. “Whenever she comes, she comes (…but now sure would be nice because I’ve got a bit of a break in the project work and my team can cover for me in the meeting later in the week)”. “Don’t be anxious, I’m here whenever you need me (but do please let’s get it moving so I can start this new project in California after next week).” “I’ve got all the time in the world (…but don’t forget that I have to go back to Singapore at the end of the month).”

We’d been through the drill twice already so we weren’t going to get too excited. Kathy was actually having painful contractions at home the morning before we even went in but expecting bloody murder, she opted to wait for something to tear her apart. When we actually got there and things started rolling, it was hard to believe it was coming. A steady march of various health care professionals and we hardly had a chance to think about things before they were breaking down the bed and our doctor was suiting up in her catcher’s outfit and I’m busy trying to find somewhere less intrusive for my eyes to rest. Every time they ask you to rate your pain – did you know that Kathy never got above a 5 on a 10 point scale? And suddenly, here she is. I spent most of my time watching the faces of the doctors and nurses because how the heck was I supposed to know if this was normal. Lots of blood – is that normal? The head looks really soft – is that normal? The baby is pretty damn blue – is that normal? The doctor doesn’t seem to mind. Must be fine. My baby’s head is out, she’s blue, silent and her eyes are closed – should I panic? Well, Dr. Gyne seems fine so I guess I shouldn’t worry either. I do remember one thing that chilled me a bit – Dr. G makes a quick maneuver around little Bea’s head and I realize at that point that she has just unwrapped the umbilical cord from around her neck. Gulp… We owe you one, Doc…

It went fast for both of us. We didn’t have time to watch the calming Jimmy Stewart movie from Netflix we had selected for the occasion. I remember it was almost anti-climactic except that the nurses instructed me to start taking pictures of my baby with my camera. I guess it gave me something to do instead of stare blankly at the little beast who had disturbed my life so much in the last few months (and that, I know, is just beginning). I am glad though, to have some of my favorite pictures emerge from that haze.

My favorite picture was when I realized that Kathy knew what she was doing and got exactly what she wanted. Me, I was (and perhaps still am) not so sure what to make of this thing that had interrupted my otherwise happy life but Kathy knew. I took a bunch of these pictures while they sized each other up and got ready for the road ahead. The ironic thing is that while this love fest was taking place in the camera’s eye, I was careful not to catch any of the commotion below while Dr. G stitched like a grandmother knitting a blanket and narrated to the clueless intern Nihla all the while.

Here are some photos of the days before Bea was born. I felt so close to Brian and I don’t want to forget those special days.

Here I am writing down the intervals of my contractions.

Here I am – sad after being sent home from the hospital and learning that Bea would not be joining us quite yet.

Here are some photos of a trip we took to the Garfield Park Conservatory.

I can’t believe our baby is one week old today. Every day I have intended to post pictures and thoughts but every day passes by so quickly and before I know it it’s around 11:00 p.m., I am nursing again and then I’m ready to fall into bed. I want this blog to be a sort of journal and album for our little family so hopefully I can post more regularly as I feel better and have more control of my time.

Right now all I can say is that I’m blissy with love for my baby and my husband. And I thought I’d make a list of the stuff that has filled our lives for the past seven days.

– Who knew that having a baby required opening and closing little snap fasteners a million times a day.

– My mom and sister and Jenna stayed with us for a few days and I was soooooo happy that they were here. They cooked yummy comfort food like apple crisp and meatloaf. They held Bea and let me take naps. They cleaned up after me. They listened to my concerns and offered good advice. But best of all they filled the house with laughter. I think without them Brian and I might have gotten a little bogged down with the stress of having a new baby. Instead I had to constantly tell them to stop making me laugh because it hurt and I thought my stitches would bust open.

– I don’t see my features or Brian’s features when I look at Bea. Lots of people have said that they see my eyes or my lips in her. I hope she gets her dad’s strong jaw line instead of the double chin that tends to show up in photos of me.

– After one or two difficult nights, Brian and I are feeling much better about our routine and we are delighting in getting to know Bea’s little preferences. She likes to pee right after daddy has put a clean diaper under her bum – hmmm maybe this is most funny to me. She likes to lay with her head on my shoulder and fold her little arms under her chin. She makes a funny little rythmic grunting sound when she eats.

– We had a bad day after we went to the doctor’s office on Satureday and she was 13% under her birth weight. It turns out the scale at the doctor’s office was low on batteries and so she most likely did not lose that much weight. In the meantime the doctor recommended a crack-pot lactation consultant that among many other wacky things recomended I put cabbage in my underwear to reduce swelling and put breast milk up Brian’s nose to heal his allergies. It was not a fun time but we got enough laughs out of the experience to last us a long, long time. I keep trying to picture me getting milk into Brian’s nostrils.

– Jenna was here for her birthday. Jennifer had to cancel a birthday party back home in order to come see her new niece. We had a mini birthday party with a cute-as-a-button cupcake and a little pink candle. I’m looking forward to celebrating their birthdays together in the future. I can’t believe Jenna is a year old. I loved watching her toddle down our hallway in her footed PJs with a big smile on her face.

OK that’s enough for now – It’s been too many minutes since I’ve gazed into my baby’s beautiful glassy eyes.

A note to Bea’s grandmas and grandpas or any other relatives who might be addicted to baby photos like we are: Look in the column on the left for the Bea’s First Days Photo album. And if you want to send a message to us you can click on the title of any post to leave a comment.

I had a doctor’s appointment today and my doctor said I’m a couple centimeters dialated. I feel all keyed up and excited and I also feel like a ticking time bomb. When will she come? When will my life change forever? It snowed this morning but now it’s a beautiful sunny day with lots of snow on the ground. Today would be a good day to be born… but wait. I need to clean the toilets and sweep the floor and clean the fridge. And yesterday I started to paint the changing pad tray thingy that dad made – it needs another coat or two. And there are hundred other things that I would feel better having done.

And I especially want to post a few more happy pregnancy photos before my pregnancy comes to an end. I’m going to miss being pregnant. Feeling her move around and thinking how she is positioned and rubbing my hands over my full of life belly. Oh gosh and now I’m getting all weepy just thinking about how lucky I am. On my 31st birthday I asked Brian if we could have a baby and I know he was afraid to give up all the things he loves about his life and start down this path of unknown but he said yes and now look – I’m actually going to have a baby. It’s hard to believe.

So now I should try to dry my tears and pull my wilty self together. Here are few shots from last weekend. We went for a walk at the Chicago Botanic Garden. It was beautiful but very cold.

Here’s a photo of our baby’s announcements. I made and illustration and had it made into a rubber stamp. I couldn’t resist taking a photo of all the cards lined up like soldiers. I told Brian I was having fun with my little assembly line of card and envelope printing – he commented how it was like our own little sweat shop. Ha.

I watched the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show for a while last night. I like to see the dogs but, it seems like the people are so bizarre that I end up watching them even more than the dogs.

I think fashion week just finished up in New York City and now the dog show is like the un-fashion week. All those badly fitting suits and ugly, ugly shoes. And then even worse than the fashion is the weird way the handlers take treats out of their mouths and then feed them to the dogs.

Yuck. I wonder if any of the dogs are grossed out that they have to eat treats pre-soaked in the saliva of their badly dressed handlers. The handlers always seem more flighty and nervous than any of the dogs. I’m sure the dogs are very well trained and well behaved so I can’t understand why they have to have constant treats to make them stand still.

The Akita, named Redwitch Reason To Believe, won the working dog category.

We are finally getting some snow. It’s been really strange having temperatures in the single digits but with hardly any snow or ice in site. Winter without snow makes me sad. Snow is like the warmth of summer – I know that sounds crazy but I like to bask in the snow like I bask in the hot sunshine of summer. So it probably won’t amount to much more than an inch or two but it’s enough to make me smile.

This is a photo out the front of our place. We have a sort of court yard/drive way which is really nice. It feels private and it’s nice to pull up there instead of on the busy road. There are several magnolia trees in big pots.

This is our patio looking very bare. I’m looking forward to planting this spring. Last year I thought I might be moving to China and so I didn’t get any perennials or shrubs like I would have otherwise. Hopefully baby will be into spending a little time out there while I plant.

I seem to have to pee every 10 minutes lately – and this is my view from the toilet. It occured to me that the little bin of baby toiletries makes a sweet color scheme. The green bin was a shower gift from cousin Laura.

These are two little chairs that mom bought for baby and me. She’s always thinking of me (warms my heart) and I think she has a bit of a little chair obsession. The best thing is that they are Heywood Wakefield. More sweetness.

These are two little chinese trinkets that Annie got for us. They are supposed to wish our baby good fortune… or something like that.

This is the view out our back window – from the baby room/office. The trains run right behind our building and then there is a row of houses that sits on a little ally. The colors of the houses are not unlike the color scheme of baby toiletries in my bathroom.

Here is a self portrait of my belly. Wow it’s getting big!

Brian is in Singapore this week so I’ve had lots of time to contemplate and long for the near future when our little family is all together. I don’t feel too lonely during this trip though. First I had Mom and Jennifer and Jenna to entertain me over the weekend and now I’m busy trying to get through my list of last-minute baby preparations.

I had a wonderful weekend with Mom, Jennifer and Jenna. Everytime I get to hang out with Jenna I get more and more excited about my little one. Jenna is so sweet and funny and she’s up for lots of hauling around to stores and restaurants. We packed so much fun stuff into the short time they were here. We started out bright and early Saturday morning for the Garfield Park Conservatory. It was beautiful and we had the place to ourselves. I got to try out our new stroller and it worked beautifully (of course). Then we had lunch at Merle’s in Evanston – always yummy. Jenna is a really good eater and also a good maker of messes. Then we checked out two used kid’s clothing stores that I had been interested in and both were a success. A good selection and cheap, cheap, cheap. I’m sure I’ll be buying lots of clothes for #3 at those places. After Jenna tested our crib with a nice nap we went swimming. Oh what fun we had watching Jenna. Mom had the camera clicking away as Jennifer and Jenna splashed and laughed. It was a great weekend. The only bad part was that they got caught in bad lake effect snow on their way home and had to stay the night at a hotel.

So now I’m making a big list of things that I still need for #3. And I’m working on her announcement. I have a check-up on Thursday and then it will almost be time for Brian to get home. Can’t wait.

I’ll end with a cheery flower print from one of my favorite web sites to drool over: Reprot Depot Fabrics

I’m getting closer and closer to March 1st. Here are some thoughts and phtos on this exciting and strange time.

– My fingers are like sausages

– This is our bed – can you guess which side is mine?

– Three of my cousins (or cousin in-laws) are pregnant right now. Ashley, Kelly and Meghan. So many babies all the sudden in The Dice family!

– At my recent appointment my doctor felt that the baby’s head was down and commented that we have a “smart baby because she knows where the exit is”

– We went to a live broadcast of a Met opera performance (I Puritani) at a movie theatre a couple weekends ago and Brian was extra pleased because baby was kicking like crazy. Brian held his hand on my belly and watched the performance with a big grin on his face.

– I embroidered some little bees on a couple onsies. I can’t wait to sew some little jumpers in the future.

– Here are some photos of our little nursery. It’s only a small portion of the small room that is also our office. There’s not much to the little nursery area. Dad is making a wooden tray that will sit on the top of the crib to hold the diaper changing station. I made the crib bumper with little giraffes on the fabric. And we bought a little dresser with 5 drawers – I hope it will hold most of her clothes and diapers. I don’t think baby will mind sharing her space with our computers. I look forward to decorating a toddler room someday when we move.

– Our Chinese friend Annie calls the baby “Jingsheng”. It means from Beijing. I think we’ll call Annie “Aunt Annie”.

– One more photo – this is a little chair that was Dad’s – I painted it and put new fabric on the seat. The bear is from Grandma J. I can’t wait to see baby sitting in her seat.

– I’m really enjoying all the kicking baby does. She seems to get really busy every evening around 10:00 or 10:30. Sitting on the couch with my hands on my belly is my new favorite past time. When Brian sees me with my big belly exposed he calls me a little budha.